Wednesday, May 23, 2007

American Idol and The Beatles

So, I was watching Idol and they decided (for some ungodly reason) to do a tribute to Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band.
And I'm watching.
And these past winners are coming on stage, doing parts of various songs.
And the camera pans around them.
And then I see it.
A teleprompter.
Which is just pathetic.
I understand most of you are young.
That maybe you don't know the song by heart.
But you know what?
Its THE BEATLES!
Learn
The
Fucking
Song.

(especially you, Taylor Hicks)

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Old Navy Kills Your Soul

Oh, and not for nothing, but I think Old Navy may be causing me to become less attracted to human beings.

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American Idol: Blake

So I'm watching American Idol.
And, really, I'm bored.
I mean, Melinda is great, sure, and so is Jordin, but neither of them have the flexibility or the more general musical...I dunno...knowledge? understanding? whatever that Blake has.
They may be better singers, but he has more talent.

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Superman heats up the crucible


Superman was born for this


The funny thing is, strangeness like this just wasn't that, well, strange in the 60s and 70s.
It was an interesting time to be reading comics (no, I wasn't alive much in the 60s or early 70s, but I grew up with backissues).
I'm not saying that the writing was GOOD...
But it was sort of like there were no rules.
Superman devolves into a super-ape-man?
Go for it.
Batman gets a new partner, Ace:The Bat-dog?
Get that script done!
Wonder Woman's magic lasso becomes self-aware and goes on a crime spree?
Nono, too much.
Make that an imaginary story.

Sure, there's Elseworlds stuff today, but that lacks the surreal nature of the classics.

I wonder if we've just become too frickin' sophisticated.
Or just plain old boring.

Where are my "Those Annoying Post Brothers" comics???



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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mario, Mario, Where For Art Thou, Mario


Ok, Mario, we're gonna get you laid.

I haven't had a chance to watch all of this (23 minutes???), but the first couple minutes killed me.


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New toy! Maybe not...well, someday....

Years and years and years ago, my Dad retired from Digital Equipment Corp. (took the retirement package instead of getting laid off...this is around the time HP bought them).
So, for the first time in decades, he has nothing to do.
For a while, he obsesses with various ways of making coffee (don't even get me started on this), but that can only go on for so long.
Anyhow, my brother, our friend Bonehead and I are all playing this game 'Ultima Underworld II' because another friend of mine, Austin Grossman, was working on it for Looking Glass Studios, and was kind enough to get us a late-stage beta.
Loved it.
Eventually, we move out.
Dad calls me one day saying "I just bought a computer and thought I'd use it to play games. What can you suggest?"
"Ultima Underworld II."
"OK."
A couple weeks go by and I give him a ring.
Me:So how's Underworld going?
Dad:Well, I'm kind of stuck. I don't know what to do next.
Me:OK, so where are you?
Dad:I'm in the castle.
Me:What castle? (I have no memory of a castle)
Dad:The one with the King and the Royal Family.
Me:(confused pause) Wait, the one you start in???
Dad: Yes. I've talked with everyone and now I don't know what to do.
Me: Well, have you gone down into the sewers?
Dad: No. They said there were monsters down in the sewers.

And there you have it. Playing video games requires a fundamental shift in perspective. You are, in fact, looking for trouble.
Anyhow, once he got over that, his video game career has far outshined mine.

Dad goes through a couple of computers, upgrading when needs be.
But then Oblivion comes out and there's no way Dad's machine will run the damn thing. But its also a really bad time to buy a PC as the duo cores are still pretty new and all that.
So he buys an XBox360 so he can play Oblivion and maybe a few other games until he decides to buy a new PC.
He goes through every bit of the game that he can, and then buys Enchanted Arms.
Uh-oh.
Enchanted Arms has some display problems.
Why?
Spanking new tech in the XBox360, 5 year old tech in the TV. The text is illegible.
So, to him, the 360 is dead.
Eventually, he gives it to me.
I am most happy as I'm out of PS2 games to play, now that I've finished God Of War II, and can't justify a PS3 (which has nothing worth playing yet either) or a 360 (which has some games I'd like to play, and a bunch of great ones coming soon, like Mass Effect) since I just spent 900 bucks on a wedding ring.
I go and buy:
Gears Of War
Viva Pinata
DOA4
Dead Rising
and an extra controller.
WHEEE!!!
Gears of War confuses me. I'd gotten it on the recommendation of a friend who said it wasn't really a first person shooter, but rather more like 3rd person.
Plus, it looks pretty.
For a while, the game confuses the hell out of me. Moving around seems needlessly tricky, and I appear to have WAY too many options when I'm hiding behind a rock. I'm also getting my ass handed to me.
Until, of course, I read the manual, which makes it abundantly clear that hiding is the way to go. Duck, poke,shoot, duck.
Gotcha.
Which reminded me of a CCG card I once read (or maybe it was a fake card...I dunno...). The flavor text was: "So there I was, between a rock and a hard place. And I thought to myself, 'What am I doing on this side of the rock???'"

Played a little DOA4 which was gorgeous and fun, and then...Viva Pinata.
1) Yes, all the 'characters' appear to be pinatas. And they all want to get bashed open by children at parties. Its unclear if they are then resurrected of if they are simply suicidal. Reminds me of the Schmoo.
2) Your pinatas eat each other (and also mate in front of a jukebox).
3) The tutorial section is unbelievably high-pressure. It wouldn't shut up with telling me to do things. All I wanted to do was grow my garden and raise some frickin' pinatas! Easily more stressful than Gears Of War.
Most tiring.

Alas...
the 360 is busted after only a day or two of playing and is currently in transit to Texas for repairs.
(long way to go for a complaint, ain't it?)

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

American Idol: Barry Gibb Is The Antichrist to Ryn Seacrest's Jesus

So, this season is the first time I've watched American Idol from the beginning.
For the most part, I like the format of the show. Specifically, how they use the theme nights. Sure, it was hard for the guys when it was Diana Ross night (I mean, seriously, the woman's singing is legendary, so it would be hard enough to step up, but to try that as a guy? not that fair), but the guys had their chance with Tony Bennet and Bon Jovi.
Anyhow, this week was just stupid.
Barry Gibb?
You want them to sing music that, previously, was sung by a man but almost completely in falsetto?
C'mon.
Of course they all stank that night!
What did you expect?

Oh, and lets face it...
Disco music is BAD MUSIC!
The only reason people argue against this idea is because of nostalgia.
Disco is death.
(I'm pretty sure that the band played the same music for each song)


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