Friday, May 19, 2006

See No Evil


See No Evil

This is kind of a weird question, but have you ever thought there should be a movie about a big bald retarded muscleman with extreme religious views running around an abandoned hotel banging people against walls and plucking their eyeballs out? If so, today's your lucky day, and SEE NO EVIL is your movie.


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Apple


24/7 Apple Store


Say what you want, apple knows how to market...its gorgeous!

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Thursday, May 18, 2006

Why should I get rid of my cat?


BIG KITTY!!!

yes, but for most animals, 'unpredictable' doesn't imply being turned into lunch:
When asked whether he considers his lion to be inherently dangerous, Collins insisted that any pet can behave unpredictably.

yes, but for most animals, 'unpredictable' doesn't imply being turned into lunch:

"I think it needs to be in a different environment," Hall said. "Everybody here keeps their guns loaded."

yeah, big surprise, its frickin' kentucky

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Pat Robertson: Meterologist


Pat Robertson Agrees With Weathermen!

The Rev. Pat Robertson says God has told him that storms and possibly a tsunami will hit America's coastline this year.

Or, alternately, you could listen to what the scientists have been saying all year.
Whichever.
Nice when religion backs science.

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

SOAP

YES!!!
I was watching last night's Daily Show with Jon Stewart and he made a SNAKES ON A PLANE JOKE!!!
YES!!!
*in George Bush Voice*
I have just heard on the internet...there are snakes on a plane.

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"I'm Psychic" is a defense


Susan Polk Is Psychic, so its OK

There's no reason to doubt murder defendant Susan Polk's claim that she stabbed her husband in self-defense, and also that she is a psychic, an expert witness told jurors Tuesday.
...
"My understanding is that she's got considerable psychic ability and there's no reason to doubt that," [Retired forensic pathologist Dr. John] Cooper said. "Maybe you don't believe in psychic ability."


Now, whether you been in psychic ability or not, trying to use it in your defense is, in a word, nuts.
Personally, I think two things:
1) Ms. Polk has given up and is trying to set herself up for appeal on the basis that she was incompetant to be her own counsel
2) Dr. Cooper should stay retired.

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Taxes

Something is upsetting me.
Taxes.
No, not the paying, thereof, but the complaining.
By the rich about paying a higher percentage than the poor.
Now, don't get me wrong. I hate paying them.
But, people who know more about economics than I do tell me that a gradiated tax system is the best way to go. I know little about economics, so I listen to them.
If someone can show me a flat tax system that gets the government all the money it needs without unduly burdening the poor, I'll listen.
That said...
What I can't stand is when those who make 250K a year bitch that their tax bracket is higher than people who make 35K a year.
They still make a gazillion dollars, don't they?
If anyone has a right to bitch, its people who make about what I do. I do pretty OK, but I'm hardly high-on-the-hog. If *I* am OK with my bracket, doesn't it sound petty for those making well into 6 figures to complain about how unfair it is to them?
As always, its the middle class that takes the brunt of things, and the wealthy who complain about them.

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Friday, May 12, 2006

SNAKE ISLAND


Oil pipeline explosion kills up to 200 in Nigeria

Nigerian officials say the pipe exploded on Snake Island.

how cool is it that Nigeria has a place called Snake Island???
(actually, the name is misleading. Its really a peninsula)

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Da Vinci Code


Christians Compare Questioning The Story Of Jesus To The Holocaust

In Rome recently, Archbishop Angelo Amato, the No. 2 official in the Vatican's doctrinal office, told Catholic communications officials: "If such slanders, offenses and errors had been directed at the Koran or the Holocaust, they would have justly provoked a world uprising. Instead, directed at the Church and Christians, they remain unpunished. I hope you will all boycott the movie."

Now, I have zero issue with Christians protesting the movie, however, comparing the questioning of the life of Jesus to Holocaust Revisionism is just not quite sane.
If nothing else, there are people who actually personally remember the Holocaust (it was only 60 years ago).
A more appropriate comparison would have been Jesus vs Moses.
People look back at history and question it all the time. The older the history, the more likely it is to have picked up some, shall we say, misleading information.
The only reason to say that questioning the story of Jesus is akin to questioning the accounts of the Holocaust is to assume that the Bible is infalible and so on equal grounds with the objective, verifiable data on the holocaust, as well as the personal accounts, which is fine, but one can't expect non-christians to believe that.
On the plus side, all the demonstrations and actions (except for one nutso group in India who is planning to starve themselves to death) are peaceful.
The core meaning behind it is: Just because the movie is out there, doesn't mean you have to go see it.

And thats EXACTLY how this is supposed to work.
(as opposed to, say, burning down buildings)

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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Real Life Email

J: only saw this once, but there was a great commercial for
Nintendogs. Shows some 12 or 13 year old boy playing with his
Nintendog, which starts to bark because it senses other Nintendogs
around. HA-ZAH! its his sisters girlfriends coming over to play.
ANd, of course, his Nintendog gives him an 'in'
I'd have bought that in 2 seconds.

--
M:wow, that *is* a good commercial. of course, now I can add the
classic "buy some wine coolers + menthols" component to the mix and...

... no, best i don't say aything more.
--
J:yes, please don't.
As I work on a military base, the last thing I need is someone showing
up here to ask me about our plans to seduce little girls.
--
M:what, a guy can't smoke menthols and drink wine coolers and play
nintendogs in the privacy of his own house? What are you, some kind
of freedom-hating monster?

leave us not forget that *i'm* not the one who used to live across the
street from the catholic school, mister.

(hmm. i thought the google ads for this were going to be more exciting)
--
J:I believe I have made it clear that yes, I am a freedom-hating monster.
However, the school wasn't my fault.
And what red-blooded american guy WOULDN'T sit out on the porch with
some booze and wearing a speedo at 3:15 each day?

(yeah, I'm getting DDR ads up the ass)
---
M:i hear the kids love DDR. love it a lot.
---
J:I'm not kidding.
I'm really disappointed in google-ads
---
M: Oh, i'm seeing them too: i'm really not that surprused: after all, I
did mention DDR previously, and it *is* a pretty big cash cow, and now
it's just getting mentioned further, so, as far as it is concerned, we
must really be interested in it.

Still, we *definitely* should have a little more variety in ads.
---
J:It would appear google ads has something of a one-track mind.

wait.

penis enlargement.

mortgages

dental work
---
M:I got free ringtones! Good job! (though i'm not sure where that came from...)

let's see, what else.

viagra

cialis

free imac

canadian pharmacy
---
J:whoa
you killed google ads
have NOTHING
---
M: that's just impressive, if you stop and think about it: probably the
glut of keywords in a single email thread just crashed a server..

"must... display.. ads... cannot.. choooooooosee...."
---
J: now I'm just scared.

dating

girls

lesbian
---
M:oh my god, i think we *really* killed it.

weight loss

rolex watches

paris hilton
---
J: brangelina

scientology

ninjew

car loan
---
M: IT'S NOT WORKING!!! THE INTERNET IS DYING!!!
---
J: FUCK!!!

Look, without google ads, how will I know what books and hair care
products and various services I might enjoy learning more about?

How will I know where to find singles in my area?

What will become of my near-obsessive need to get the lowest interest
rate on my various loans regardless as to the processing fee?

HOW WILL I KNOW HOW TO MAKE MONEY FROM SURVEYS????
---
M: apparently, you're just shit out of luck now.

You're just going to have to go to the store, and consume at random

try a local bar

call that guy in the question mark suit

and you can't, dumabss

(respectively)
---
J: so...quiet...like dead air on the radio. creepy.

** follow up once I mentioned I was going to post this**
M: hey, when you get to the part about seducing little girls. can you
please change my name to, like, i dunno, Lance or something?

actually, wait, it would make more sense if my name didn't change in
the middle of the conversation - that would probably make me look even
worse.

M: "Nintendogs is cool!"
J: "I agree"
Lance: "You can use it to seduce little girls"
J: "What?"
M: "Nothing."


Yeah, that would look weird.

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Monday, May 08, 2006

Conversations I didn't have, but probably could

S: Kim brought her baby in last week. It appeared to be a functioning
small human

F: Look at her -- she's so unimpressed! If Kim had brought in a
new kitten, it would have been all excitement -- look at the new kitten,
it's so cute, googie goo, you're so cute [this last said in baby-talk]

S: well...

F: Or "look! Kim brought in the new Life game!" In this game, you
have a baby, and you take care of it just like in real life! Look how
cute the baby is [pantomimes baby on computer screen]

S: but...

F: But a REAL baby -- eh, shove it in the corner and keep it quiet. I
have to do the ordering.

R: Was it a boy or a girl?

S: I don't know.

[Pandemonium]

Conversations I never thought I'd have

Intro: My girlfriend (S) and I (J) had dinner at our friends Todd and Sybil's house
for the first time a few weeks back which was really nice. Its been a
long time since I made friends at work. We decided that we should have
them over to our place. Here is a conversation I had with S about what
to serve.
S: I want to make something so impressive that no one cares how it
tastes.
(note: this is a strange thing for her to say as she is a fantastic
cook)
J: OK
S: How about one of those pies that when you open it, birds fly out?
J: You mean like 4 and 20 blackbirds?
S: exactly! I found a recipe for it today in my Food in History book!
J: Well, first, that would be a very big pie.
S: Yes.
J: Second, I'm not sure where I could buy 24 blackbirds.
S: We could use budgies. 4 or 5.
*I think about this for a moment*
J: So what you are really doing is making a magic trick, as opposed to,
say, dessert.
S: No. It would be Impressive. And it would be a meat pie for dinner.
J: The problem is we are then left without having any pie.
S: That's the best part! We put a smaller pie inside that we could then
eat!
J: Yes. I'd definitely be interested in eating pie that had been
trapped with scared little birds for a while. That would certainly be
tasty. You know what birds do right before they take off?
S: What?
J: They drop some ballast.
S: ?
J: they take a dump.
S: Oh. We could wrap the little pie in plastic wrap.
J: Well, one, the talons from the budgies would surely rip it open.
And two, I am not sure I'd be interested in eating pie wrapped in
plastic that was covered in guano.
S: Guano is bat shit, not bird shit. If you're worried about the birds
tearing the saran wrap, we could lightly dope them so that they'd be
just coming around when we open the pie.
J: You know nothing about doping birds, you'd probably kill them.
S: I could look it up on the Internet. I can't be the first person to
need lightly doped budgies.
J: Still, no one would want to eat the pie even if it's wrapped in
Saran Wrap, if it's then covered in birdshit.
S: FINE! We keep the little pie separate from the big pie, hidden in
the kitchen.
J: Sybil is 8 months pregnant, do you think she needs a shock at this
stage?
S: Not a shock! Impressive!
J: We would end up with happy cats though.
S: HAPPY KITTIES!
J: And very tense budgies.
S: HAPPY KITTIES!
J: And a home covered with guano.
S: Guano is BAT shit!
J: I suppose we could then use the budgies for target practice,
especially as they came out.
S: SKEET!
J: A couple BB guns, it could be big fun.
S: YES! BIG FUN!
J: Which still leaves us with no pie.
S: We have the small pie!

*yes, this continued on... And on... And on...*

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Review: Infinite Crisis

A couple years back, DC, in its annual tradition of massive crossover events, put out Our World At War.
I read the collected volumes (as I am want to do) and it was...OK.
Maybye if I'd read ALL of the issues, ALL of the crossovers, ALL of the titles it ran through, well, maybe then I'd have loved it.
The problem was that...well...it just didn't feel as big as it should have.
It didn't feel important.
It didn't feel epic.
Infinite Crisis.
Wow.
I mean...
OK.
Stop.
Let me start out by saying what I didn't/don't like about all this.
1) the lead in mini-series (except for Identity Crisis) were badly done and, ultimately, pointless. There was nothing that couldn't have been done in a few extra issues. Worse, they were boring and contrived (for the most part).

2) The new Blue Beetle, and his role in this, was very deus ex machina.
3) The One Year Later/52 stuff. Not happy at all. Don't like being forced to read the individual issues to stay in synch.
4) The obvious ploy to make you read titles you don't care about (for example, I give not a rat's ass about Bludhaven)
5) The art was inconsistent
that said

wow.
Seven issues that I just never wanted to see end. It was huge. Epic. Powerful. While I haven't fully understood the outrage over the whole mind-wipe thing (y'know, Dr. Light was a violent psychopath who raped women...fuck him), the emotion behind it all came through clearly.
The world (or, really, worlds) was in danger, peril, everything was in the balance.
At it's core, though, this was a story that has been coming for a while.
It was a story about the darkness of the Warren Ellis' type heros vs the simplistic 1950s heros. A dark grey world vs a black and white one.
It was a story that sets the stage for heros who live in something like the real world, a place with murderers who keep murdering, with villains who never go away for good, with planet devouring monsters, and how they find a way to handle these threats effectively, but still shine as an example of what mankind can and should be.
The seeds have been placed for deeper, more complex heros.
But ones who can also inspire.
Lights in the darkness.

It remains to be seen how those seeds will grow.

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Not Really A Review: Earthboy Jacobus

This really isn't a review, just a couple comments.
I just finished reading Earthboy Jacobus by Doug Tennapel. He also wrote Creature Tech that I wrote about earlier.
This one is OK. Not as good as CT, but hey, high bar and all.
Anyhow, its a pretty touching and very patriotic story about an odd boy and his adoptive dad fighting off an alien invasion, sort of.
The only real problem I had was on one page.
A human preacher, who has been transformed into an alien stooge says something like "I now see that all struggle can be broken down into economic terms and I no longer need an imaginary divine entity to act as my drug to keep me in line."
Translation: the aliens are commie bastards.
Personally, I have no real problem with the idea of aliens representing communists. Its a bit out-dated, but thats OK.
The problem is that the scene is, pretty much, talking down to the readers. Telling rather than showing. Its just bad writing.
The other problem I have with alien=marx-toy is this:
the aliens invade planet after planet, gobbling up all the resources to feed the never sated god-monster that leads them.
Really, this isn't communism.
Its American Capitalism.
Its capitalism thats the shark, devouring everything and always needing more.
Its capitalism that consumes resources without leaving anything behind.


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