Monday, May 08, 2006

Conversations I never thought I'd have

Intro: My girlfriend (S) and I (J) had dinner at our friends Todd and Sybil's house
for the first time a few weeks back which was really nice. Its been a
long time since I made friends at work. We decided that we should have
them over to our place. Here is a conversation I had with S about what
to serve.
S: I want to make something so impressive that no one cares how it
(note: this is a strange thing for her to say as she is a fantastic
S: How about one of those pies that when you open it, birds fly out?
J: You mean like 4 and 20 blackbirds?
S: exactly! I found a recipe for it today in my Food in History book!
J: Well, first, that would be a very big pie.
S: Yes.
J: Second, I'm not sure where I could buy 24 blackbirds.
S: We could use budgies. 4 or 5.
*I think about this for a moment*
J: So what you are really doing is making a magic trick, as opposed to,
say, dessert.
S: No. It would be Impressive. And it would be a meat pie for dinner.
J: The problem is we are then left without having any pie.
S: That's the best part! We put a smaller pie inside that we could then
J: Yes. I'd definitely be interested in eating pie that had been
trapped with scared little birds for a while. That would certainly be
tasty. You know what birds do right before they take off?
S: What?
J: They drop some ballast.
S: ?
J: they take a dump.
S: Oh. We could wrap the little pie in plastic wrap.
J: Well, one, the talons from the budgies would surely rip it open.
And two, I am not sure I'd be interested in eating pie wrapped in
plastic that was covered in guano.
S: Guano is bat shit, not bird shit. If you're worried about the birds
tearing the saran wrap, we could lightly dope them so that they'd be
just coming around when we open the pie.
J: You know nothing about doping birds, you'd probably kill them.
S: I could look it up on the Internet. I can't be the first person to
need lightly doped budgies.
J: Still, no one would want to eat the pie even if it's wrapped in
Saran Wrap, if it's then covered in birdshit.
S: FINE! We keep the little pie separate from the big pie, hidden in
the kitchen.
J: Sybil is 8 months pregnant, do you think she needs a shock at this
S: Not a shock! Impressive!
J: We would end up with happy cats though.
J: And very tense budgies.
J: And a home covered with guano.
S: Guano is BAT shit!
J: I suppose we could then use the budgies for target practice,
especially as they came out.
J: A couple BB guns, it could be big fun.
J: Which still leaves us with no pie.
S: We have the small pie!

*yes, this continued on... And on... And on...*


Anonymous said...

Bahahahaaaaaa! I think I'd enjoy your gf immensely. Still you haven't lived until you've had a conversation that started out with "Don't lick the table...(or shopping cart, floor, sister, brother, cat, ass you substitute the subject and it's been said)"

moleboy said...

how about "don't floss with that"